Once, twice, even three times a week, she bravely departs our dwelling place and goes on the hunt. What does she hunt? Bargains. What does she gather? Great quantities.
Evolution is a wonderful science. You know what? If Neanderthal Man had a refrigerator, he would have evolved 50,000 years earlier. While men used to venture out armed with spears and wearing loincloths, women stayed in the caves, hoping he might bring home a mastodon. Now I sit at home.
It is I who tends the fire, while my wife, armed only with a credit card, brings home the fruit of the hunt. My job is to be available to unload her car and carry the day's catch. How is the success of the hunt calculated? Well, by the percentage of reduction from the original sales price.
Sandy agrees that it's in poor taste to tell the cost of things that you buy, but if she gets a bargain, all bets are off – she tells everybody.
Some of the things she comes home with… the other day, she came in with a huge package of diapers. I thought that was strange since our youngest child is now 39 and a doctor.
What the hell did you buy that for, I asked softly.
Oh, it was such a bargain! Maybe someday one of our grandchildren will be here and will need a change.
This, of course, completely ignored the fact that when the grandkids come, their parents always bring extra diapers. But it was much more reasonable than most of her other purchases.
The other thing that drives me nuts is the coupon game. Occasionally, I go to the supermarket with Sandy. We wait in line at the checkout. When we get to the cashier, Sandy pulls out this big roll of coupons. My job is to smile at the patrons behind us, while the cashier reconciles the coupons with the purchases. Sometimes I get tired of smiling so I shrug my shoulders.
All of our kids are gone. There are just the two of us in the house now. When she comes across a bargain though, she can’t buy just one. So Sandy loads up. The result is we have as much inventory as when all the kids were home. The pantry is so jammed that I can’t find anything. You know what? Those trees and caves look better to me everyday.